even more confused-what should i think now?
addition to my earlier question (see my what’s wrong with him question from last night) it’s long but SUPER important to me!! please read it all before answering.
long story short-my bf (of almost 4 years) and I got into huge fight on sunday where he tried to break up with me (mostly out of frustration and worry over his money issues). after talking for an hour, we calmed each other down and ended the call w/him saying he loved me and would call me the next day.
I owe him about 2600 dollars due to him helping me pay my bills (rent,utilities,gas,etc) since my wages were being garnished. he now has no savings and his property taxes are due at the end of this month. I apologized for it and promised to work extra (working 16 hours of overtime this upcoming pay period) to help him pay for things.
he never called me so today I drove over to the house. when I opened the garage, some of my kids (I have 3 girls) things like their toys, some clothes (not all), the jewelry box he gave me, some of my clothes, and the blankets from my daughters bed were in the garage.
I walked into the house and all of our pictures were off the walls,his dresser,and the fridge but I couldn’t find them out in the garage (he hid them somewhere). he had taken the name stickers for my daughters’ room of their door but my oldest daughter’s name he left on her door. he also took down the air mattress she was sleeping on and moved her books and toys outside but left her clothes hanging in the closet.
he moved my clothes that were in the dresser drawers but left the others hanging in his closet. he also didn’t move the kids’ school supplies or their dishes out of the kitchen.
i’m confused by why he’d move SOME of my stuff but not all of it?!! I know he was mad but if he wanted to break up with me, wouldn’t he move all of my stuff (like he did the last time he got really mad and almost broke up with me)?
I drove the rc plane field he goes to on wednesday nights to talk to him. I felt bad about it b/c that’s where he goes to unwind and all of his friends are there. He was nice to me and walked up to my car w/me. I started to cry and apolgized. I asked if it was b/c of the money and he shook his head no. he said that we fight alot over petty stuff and i’m always giving him a hard time when he’s only trying to help me. I admitted I was wrong and that I loved him.
I told him the counseling would help and at first he refused to go. I told him that my 48 cancellation time period had passed and it would cost me 265.00 if we didnt go. he said I could go alone but I told him there was no point-the counseling was to help us understand each other and fix the issues. he then agreed to go but told me he wasn’t promising me anything. he kept calling me honey as I was crying and told me that he knows I don’t do things on purpose. I told him I didn’t want him out of my life and I would never forgive myself if I lost him and he said “honey, I know″ and I told him I meant it-I would hate myself forever.
We ended the conversation w/him promising to go to our session tomorrow and he said he would call me before it to make sure he had the right directions. I told him I loved him more than anything and he said “I know.” then paused and said “I love you too” and walked down the hill. I started to cry and walked to my car which I know he heard b/c he looked back and told me to try and make it through tonite (i’m at work from 7p-7a)
what should I think? is he gone? did i lose him?!! i’m so heartbroken!!!
I would be working to get that 2600 back to him. Even if it is over that is a lot of money that you owe him and he shouldnt have had to foot the bill and keep on doing that all this time. Your debt has put him into debt, so keep on at work and do the overtime so you can pay him back every last cent.
Of course this person doesn’t want to see you hurt but he probably doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Most of your daughters things are packed, as are yours. He is probably going to break up with you, is how this is sounding. I wouldn’t put all my happiness in this person and put self blame in your failure with your relationship. I wish you the best of luck for you and your children.
you have to look out for yourself and your girls now - don’t look for reassurance from him. He may or may not be there for you soon. Don’t push for him to make decisions. Just let it ride and pay him back in time. But concentrate you your girls.
you can get state [or federally] funded counseling based on a sliding scale fee, ask you doctor about it if you are depressed, as for him i would say he has moved on but he is trying to be kind to you because of the kids, but i really think he has moved on. mabey i’m wrong.
Why is all or most of your stuff at his house, and he had to give you money to pay bills like rent and utilities? Were you and your girls were living with him but not living with him?
Sounds good that your going to do the couples counseling but my guess is that you could probably get something out of counseling all by yourself too. Figure you out, then work on the US thing.
Good luck, and I hope your talking to your kids about all of this so they can at least know that your issues are not their fault.
That’s rough, you mentioned him being on medication, maybe that is having an affect on him, because that is pretty odd behavior. Maybe he feels like you are using him for money or something, which doesn’ sound like the case, but he might think it to be that way. I hope itworks out for you.
It does sound like he is ready to move on, I am sorry. But perhaps if he is given some space he will be willing to work it out. I will pray for you and him, God Bless.
He is being a very nice guy that has the hardest time breaking up the relationship because he feels guilty when you cry and tell him that you would never forgive yourself…
But essentially he is breaking up with you… he just isn’t the type
that can make a “clean cut” because he does feel responsible and although he knows that this is not going anywhere anymore he keeps saying “maybe” when his heart means to say “NO”.
Sorry… this is not what you want to hear but when a guy starts cleaning out your things and starts putting it in the garage where it will be ready for you to pick it up… it usually means Goodbye.
You are hanging on to straws… thinking just because he didn’t finish the job all at once that there might be some kind of remorse. There isn’t. He just wasn’t able to finish the job yet.
Maybe he feels he has taken on too much with this relationship. You have 3 daughters and alot of debt. He tried to help you because he loves you and feels sorry for you, but at the end of the day, you are responsible for yourself and you have to grow up sometime. you obviously have no idea and are very selfish to see that this money issue has hurt him. After all it was his hard earned money that he worked hard for. What do you do with the money you earn????? Learn how to be an adult and put your daughters first. Work hard and pay himback and let him go so he can be happy.
You have basically put your stress on him men like to fix things obviously he cannot fix your financial problems.He as tried but has found out like many people that if you try to save a drowning person there is a good chance that person will frantically pull you down also.It would have been better if he would have kept his good credit and let you go bankrupt then at least you could cut up your credit cards and purchase things with his good credit.BUT it is too late for that so the best you can do is STOP looking to him as your savior it is too much on him.If you get in debt you deal with it and stop doing what is putting you there I know it is easier said than done especially when you have kids with needs but LOOK AT WHAT IT HAS DONE TO EVERYONE