How does a person who is older (late twenties) begin dating if they are insecure and have trust issues?
Andre J asked:
I grew up in a situation where my parents were narcissistic and very unstable. This carried over to my adult life where I couldn’t trust people and felt uncomfortable talking about my painful background. How do I get over this challenge?
I grew up in a situation where my parents were narcissistic and very unstable. This carried over to my adult life where I couldn’t trust people and felt uncomfortable talking about my painful background. How do I get over this challenge?
Just get over it.. find a Girl who can feel sad for you
A therapist.
Good luck.
Do what I do and find a girl uglier than you that you really like as a person, this way you aren’t that attracted to her physically so you dont have those pangs of insecurity or jealousy yet you really enjoy spending time with her and she can “satisfy” you to boot (with your eyes closed of course).
i share your sentiments. my parents were crazy. now i don’t feel comfortable being 100% intimate with anyone. find someone who is patient and doesn’t expect you to lay it all out there immediately. you may also need to warn them a tad about your past. don’t go into specifics but let them know you come from a dysfunctional home and you would prefer to take things slower.
a woman who cares for you will be understanding as long as YOU TRY.
You don’t talk about your painful background. You move on and forget the past. THere’s a good book “Bad Childhood, Good Life”. Read it.
I feel for you on the dating issue. Don’t find someone to feel sad for you. Get on with your life and realize you aren’t your parents and that every relationship doesn’t have one predator and one prey.
You have to hang around people who are stable and don’t have the same issues your parents have. Talk about anything positive in your upbringing. There has to be something! Just know you are not alone and that a lot of peoople have had painful childhoods. You don’t have to go around telling everyone that you have unstable parents. Just say it’s a sore subject. What’s good about you is that you can see what were bad influences and know that you don’t want to be like that. You’re a survivor! Be proud.
You have to practice trusting people which will be hard but you have to start little and grow into trusting another human being. When it comes to trusting a human being though you have to trust them to be a human being which means to trust them to make mistakes, hurt and be scared. Start it with your friends or close friend disclosing something that doesn’t matter to you and grow into something that does. You can change man it just takes time so be patient.