What are the Catholic views on teen dating, like limits and such?
WoWzA asked:
I’ve been dating a Catholic girl now for a while who is very religious, but she won’t tell me the Church′s view on relationships. Because she’s so religious, I want to respect both her and the Church′s views on dating, mainly limits. I already know sex is out of the question, let alone past my limits. Any input would be appreciated.
I’ve been dating a Catholic girl now for a while who is very religious, but she won’t tell me the Church′s view on relationships. Because she’s so religious, I want to respect both her and the Church′s views on dating, mainly limits. I already know sex is out of the question, let alone past my limits. Any input would be appreciated.
Um, nothing really, other than abstinence until marriage…
oral sex is also out out of the question just FYI. and a womans body is supposed to be respected so anything she isnt comfortable with i guess is a no. why wont she tell you? you should really be talking with her about it. make sure she know you only want to talk about it because you want to respect her….
PS. your a good guy, dont change
The Church’s view on teen dating is built on the Church’s view of marriage.
I don’t know of any official guidelines, if that is what you are looking for. The Catholic Church sees dating as a precursor to marriage and therefore, the rules of respect and chastity apply. This girl you like and want to date needs to be viewed as a possible lifelong partner. This doesn’t mean you need to decide that now, only that you need to treat her with the respect due your future wife and be the kind of man that she can see as her future husband.
It’s admirable that you care enough to respect her and her faith. That says a lot about the kind of young man you are.
To understand how the Church views dating it might help to understand how the Church views marriage.
She won’t tell you the Church’s view on relationships because the Church doesn’t have any specific instructions.
If you want a rule to go by, I guess I’d tell you it should be “Help each other love and serve Jesus.” That’s it. So with every word or deed, just ask yourself, “Will this help my girlfriend love and serve Jesus?”
(And yes, married couples are helping each other love and serve Jesus when they have sex and make babies…it’s pretty amazing theology, but this is not the place for it.)
You might try taking her parish’s class in Catholicism (RCIA) so you can learn more about what the Church teaches on all kinds of stuff. That might help you understand her world view.
You ask a few questions here. I do appreciate your emphasis on respect, and as such I’ll first say that you should respect her wishes regardless of the Catholic Church’s wishes. If the Church allows kissing (to my knowledge, it is not prohibited), but she doesn’t want to, then don’t push that.
Also, don’t expect her to be able cite the Church’s views on relationships - if you two are young (and forgive me for saying, but since you ask about physical “limits” I’m assuming you’re perhaps in your teens or early twenties - such was my mindset at that age).
The Catholic Church sees dating as a way for two young people to get to know one another. While it is understood that there is sexual attraction, the couple is expected to refrain from exercising their sexuality until marriage. To do otherwise is a grave sin.
That doesn’t mean not to be affectionate - but physical affection shouldn’t be the point of the relationship. Begin with a foundation of friendship, ie get along with her first, listen to her, talk with her, share your feelings with her but also do fun things together so that you build a friendship. If your feelings mutually lead to one another, let those feelings grow but keep your clothes on. Seek intimacy in relationship, though not physical intimacy.